An autobiographical research into of the evolution of our soul

or: Strong warnings about Sodarshan Chakra Kriya

(the previous title was: “autobiography of a loser”
in opposition to Yogananda’s “autobiography of a yogi”)

An attempt to figure out the way the mind evolves throughout our karmic biography

versus the means of reflection, contemplation and meditation.

Our entanglement in life is unfathomable, which leads us to the believe that there must be some higher force or reason behind all of it.
Without wanting to dismiss anyones believe in higher powers, one thing for me is certain – I have the right to understand myself by myself,
so instead of putting my head into the sand of ignorant fatalism, I want to start a very personal research into the twists of the human mind by using my life as an example.

I don’t do this because I do consider my life as more important than anyone elses’, but for the simple reason that it is the only one I fully have access to – at least to the extend that I still remember all those events which were not suppressed into the realm of forgetfulness by my resisting ego.

This timing is right, because I just started a 3 year long inner journey to literally re-search for my higher, true or divine soul by the means of Yoga-meditation which will bring a lot of autobiographical stuff up, before insights come.

So I herewith will open myself up totally; by writing down all experiences which did have a lasting impact on me – regardless of their political correctness or how they make me look like.

What is needed in this time of dishonest Kali-Yuga-masquerade for the sake of preserving an image to impress the shallow minded ones currently in power; is someone who reclaims honesty in the superficial social-network-farce by opening up in an honest way in order to break the story of the emperor’s new clothes. And since I have nothing to loose, I make the first step here; in the hope to inspire others to loose their fear of being authentic.

Whilst most people like stories of inspirations in order to be uplifted, this series might put of those who merely look for the bright side of life without wanting to look at the entire picture.
I observed this already, as some advocates of the (in itself still shallow) mere”wellness-and-health-food-spirituality“, or of the other extreme of a “mere faith in an authoritarian god figure who will rescue us all” stopped reading this blog or replying to mails.
Those usually were people who were looking for inspriations (in from the outside) without wanting to include the saturnic (duty) aspects of (self claimed) “@spirations”.

Those people will resort to autobiographies of people who made it to the top of our society.
But this – in opposition to Yogananda’s “Autobiography of a Yogi” will be an “Autobiography of a looser” – a chronology of an epic downfall, but therefore the display of lessons of in non-attachment through literal dis-appointments -> unfulfilled appointments, my naive mind made in blind hope with reality.

As a future disclaimer – I want to add that most of my life-deviations will turn out to have become valuable lessons
– first on a lower consciousness in form of at times cynical consequences,
– then as a “street-wisdom” or a “wisdom of age“, which as we know is less “wisdom” but often sadly only limited to distrustful strategic lessons,
– and later guided by my meditative higher mind to some forms of more loving and compassionate world-views which allow for the existence of an Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations (which Gene Roddenberry’s Vulcans did cherish).

So whenever you can’t relate to one point or another, I can assure you that most of what I am about to write will be explained later.
The only reason why I won’t explain my misconceptions straight away is in order to let the reader walk with me through an experience – something which would not happen if you knew the outcome (for the same reasons no one likes movie-spoilers).

Because memories will not all come up in chronological order, I will categorise my autobiography in the blog here under a “bio(graphy)” menu points, like:
+>my 20s (, 30s, 40s, etc..)
+> my yin and yang sides
+> different issues (such as #family, #men, #women, etc)
+> lower and higher mind insights …
so that you may pick out the parts which you can relate to.

EDIT at the end of 2020:

The reason for me to setup this website was to give everything I learned about Sodarshan Chakra Kriya back to the universe in grattitude. I did this not only by collecting all information but to cater to each and every doubt and answer each and every comment in detail.

Now that I feel that I did accomplish that task and that everyone has all tools to do it I would like to give you one last recommendation how to walk the path on SCK yourself from now on.

In a nutshell: Once you accomplished to do SCK daily you can either use the sounds as a way to count, or my finger method and then simply do 1 minute more every week,
or if you can do more already focus 1 more minute each week by setting yourself a second alarm a minute before the end, next week 2 minutes before etc., and then give it your best shot.

If you are a prodigy this will take you 3 years to build it up to 2.5 hours,
but I did actually not put out all courses to make you go faster –
I wanted to make sure that you only go on to the next step after you self-certified your maturity.
Without that, the subconscious release of emotions of SCK is really dangerous!
Just look at my life (in which I continuously tried again and again to do the 2.5 hours and failed about a thousand times, because I thought that my life then would have a better quality) :

First 2 months:
After having accomplished 2.5 hours really quickly my later attempts to force 2. 5hours did set an avalanche of tragedies in which literally everything went wrong in my life:

Next year:
A series of unfortunate events destroyed my life in Berlin, London and NYC. It came to an abrupt halt and despite having worked about 16 hours daily for decades, all career attempts as an acupuncturist, musician, web-programmer, inventer did fail…

Next 1.5 decades:
Not being able to be the interesting and funny cosmopolitan person anymore I lost all my friends, was triangulated in family tragedies, had a bunch of relationship-disappointments, and hybernating at home did find my only last comfort in compensations such as alcohol, smoking cigarettes, sweets and masturbation.

Finally literally broke down in my own apartment – broke my back, and nearly became paraplegic and since then I lie in bed about 90% of the time which made me gain 40 kg.

Due to the weight gain I got a stroke and on top of that within 3 months two cerebral hemorrhages, so I was not able to talk or type anymore and had to crawl on the floor to the bathroom. All I was able to do (within the entire day) was to sit for 3 minutes in SCK.
I am not exxagerating that literally EVERYTHING I did went wrong, from doing things, to being misunderstood or hated, no having the energy to clean up my place anymore.

I was shattered and up to date am working to solve those emotional traumas of people who attacked me from all sides. You really get a total different insight into society when you are marginalised, including seeing the dark side in most people.
There is still such a great resentment against humankind that I even had some sense of satisfaction when the coronavirus finally did make all the frantic destroyers of the planet and other people’s psyche hold still for a while.

Now you probably can understand why I wrote this very critical summary of Yogi Bhajan, in order to fight back against his authoritarian regime he had over me even after his death.
He dished out promises of heaven;
and even though we were together for a week and I had a consultation with him in which I did tell him about me doing 2.5hrs of SCK, he did not warn me but let me full force run against the wall of my own Karma.

Even the advocate of Kriya-Yoga, Yogananda, had the responsibility to warn us:

The body of the average man is like a fifty-watt lamp, which cannot accommodate the billion watts of power roused by an excessive practice of Kriya. Through gradual and regular increase of the simple and “foolproof” methods of Kriya, man’s body becomes astrally transformed day by day, and is finally fitted to express the infinite potentials of cosmic energy-the first materially active expression of Spirit.

The science of Kriya Yoga” in his Autobiography of a Yogi

As a second warning I want to dish out that I observed some who think they know it all and go ahead fast besides of the emotional release some do not encounter due to a lack of sense for emotions, they instead are endangered to end up like the two SCK-teachers: Dhirendra Brahmachari and Yogi Bhajan.
Both developed a huge charisma, yet without the subtlety of moral self-reflection.

I sump up for especially the ones who think that they master SCK because they do an hour or more: DON’T FORCE FAST ENLIGHTENMENT ! because

  1. In the ‘best’ case it can destroy your life on a psychological level
    (at least you cleaned out a ton of Karma which you can take into next life – but at the expense of a ‘joyful’ life now)
  2. And in the worst case you run danger of becoming overconfident without having cleared your underlying garbage, turning you into the next Yogi Bhajan or Dhirendra Brahmachari
    (you might secretly crave this charisma and power, but in the long run this is a total karmic reset – I actually suspect that I might have done such a mistake in my past life and now have to pay for it bigtime)
    Let this be a warning for you: In the 7 years I wrote this blog I saw 4 people accomplishing 2.5 hours. All 4 of them turned either uncompassionate cold, became selfish or arrogant. This shocked me so much, that I stopped doing SCK and I am not even certain whether I want to get back to such a Kriya. After all, as Jesus did say: “You will know them by their fruits”. So far none of the advanced practitioners did strike me as compassionate.
    That’s why I put out this blog to hopefully make a bit of balance and warning other seekers to use SCK as a strong spice but not to become “the superhero”.
    For a while I will experiment whether it was actually SCK, which did make me have light visions after 2 hours of meditating, of whether a simple meditation for 2.5 hours will do the same. I will post my results at the end after I am finished making up my conclusions.

I will actually write an advanced course especially for those of you who are endangered to think that you are pros already. Now let me tell you how I very slowly got out of it backwards:

After 16 years of a spiral into depression I -the one who initially was blessed with everything you could have: Strong body, high IQ, first world financial stability did end up as a self-described looser waking up in despair every morning for years into the nightmare of my unbearable life who watched everyone around succeeding in their family-planing and career.

So whilst I walked the Camino de Santiago 2x within 1 year (with sticks to support my back) I cursed out god as lout as I could shout and finally came to the conclusion that if I had done only 1 second more of SCK that I would already be on 1.5 hours, so I set myself the goal of following the legendary 120 days of transformation and its time steps and tried just to do the time-steps Yogi Bhajan taught.

  • From 3-10 minutes for 120 days took me a year because I failed often between 40&90 days.
    The worst was to have to transform a really terrible life within the place you were depressed in for 2 decades. The entire life is as difficult as like of having to wade through tar. And even if you can explain yourself then people expect you to instantly move out of your state.
  • Then I did 120 days of 11-30 minutes also took me a year because I did start again from scratch whenever I failed

SCK then made me realise how everything I had encountered before was my own undoing which was nearly unbearable and took all of my last self-confidence away.
(But I guess such is the transformation away from the ego to the real self.)
Then I did really push myself and in desparation started to kick my life up a notch again so

  • I started another 4 months walk along the Danube from Germany to Bulgaria with a tent on my back (in which of course also everything went wrong, like the 500-year flood making me walk in nonstoprain for 6 weeks having to surround huge floods, being attacked by Serbians and dogs…).
    So to do 120 days of 31 minutes took me 1-2 years and I realised that the next steps would be even harder because from now on it would go up in half an hour steps.
  • So I started this blog and decided to do 1000 days which supposedly transform you and within that period did build it up again from scratch by 120 days of 3,11,22,31,62,90,120 and 144 (1/10th of a day) each.
  • Then I had to do SCK irregular for 2 years because I realised that something is missing and had tremendous issues with my internal struggle between dogmatic religions whilst somehow along the line searching for the divine which seemed to be a part of my quest.
    (The problem was that I had started to do SCK in order to proof to myself and the world that one can rise to highest heights without the dogma of god and here I was confronted with some sense of oneness I wanted to understand.
  • Meanwhile SCK made me realise what a douchebag Yogi Bhajan was which did create the next dilemma of me on one hand having dedicated myself totally to the teachings of a guru as Indians request it, and on the other hand having seen a bunch of gurus who turned out to be crooks (I just haven’t mentioned anyone else than YB because I don’t want to slag of living people.
  • I then was totally on my own: Gurus did not work, spiritual seminars often also currently are occupied by some kind of misandristic feminism in which despite me by then already having been a toothless ‘good uncle’, I never got to be part of, because I “only was a man”. (Alone the fact that the word “misandristic” as such is not listed in any dictionary whilst “misogynistic” is, tells tales).
  • So my only way forward was to persevere by persistance, and now you know why SCK is so important for me and why I at times was quite stern and was pushing you:
    Being a disabled unemployed single guy with no life, the hope to elevate my presence to a higher spiritually plane literally is my last purpose in life.
    Maybe I purposely chose to maneuver myself into that corner, because that kind of desperation is what is needed to ascend beyond the intermediate wellness-spirituality. As Jesus said: “the last will be the first and the first the last”, and frankly I can hardly see anyone who is comfortable with their earnings and family to dedicate themselves fully to their spirituality.
    (Yes, the last points were not political ‘correct’ but only because the majority likes to have it some way doesn’t make it right for me.)

Now the wrong conclusion for you would be not to do SCK, because it would mean that you only postpone your issues until later lifes. You should clean your karma, I only say do it in a safe pace.

2 Replies to “An autobiographical research into of the evolution of our soul”

  1. Thank you, dear Thilo, for your courage to share your life and your deepest leranings with us. I don’t agree that you are a loser and you may like to reconsider attaching that label to yourself.
    Wish you all the best


    1. Thank you for your compassionate response, JV,
      with this upcoming series I just want to convey to people how despite best of wished ones life can go down the drain,
      and then how to pick it up afterwards again and about the difficulties on the path.


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